Tired of not being able to just DO things without depending on others

I am recently disabled. I can't drive anymore, I can't walk without a walker, and even then can only go very short distances. I also have weakness and spasms that make using my hands difficult. And a range of other issues that mean basically I need to rely on other people for so many things.

I am very lucky to have family around to help. I know that. I am grateful for everything they do. Really !

But I am so tired of not being able to just go buy stuff at the store because I feel like going shopping. I am tired of having to be nice all the time. I'm tired of having to go by other peoples time lines ALL THE TIME. I'm tired of not being able to just buy things I want, I'm tired of not being able to set things up or move things around and to have to ask people to do everything, and then wait until they have time, and then they never have time for things like that. Which I totally understand ! They are busy. It is a pain to do stuff for me. I feel like a complete burden and hate to ask. I want to be helping them out, not the other way around.

So I feel guilty for asking, frustrated when things don't happen, I have no room to complain about things, because it is people doing me favors and I just want to be able to do things on my own again.

I know I can buy some things on-line, and I do that. But I just want to get out and about on a whim. And even if I do manage to go out, with help, I'm completely exhausted for days when I get back. Argghhghh

I'm just so tired of how freaking powerless I am.

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Know how you feel
by: Anonymous

Don't know how old this is, but too let you know, I went through the same thing a few years back. I went from being a happy healthy father of two, to being completely helpless. Only someone that has been there knows how degrading and humiliating it is too have to have your step-son take you to the bathroom and pull your pants up and down, because you can't. I was unable to walk without a cane in one hand and someone holding my other arm, and sometimes someone on both sides of me, because my legs were just too weak to hold me up. This all happened in a couple of weeks.
After several years of weekly doctor visits, and a ton of medication I got to the point that I can take care of myself, do some light shopping and for the most part be pain free. However I do have some bad spells that put me in the bed for a couple of days at a time every know and then. Just hold in there, your problems may not be like mine and get somewhat better. But you get to a point where you can accept things, and they no longer bother you, and you don't feel like such a burden to your family. Those feelings never completely go away, but they do get better.

know how you feel
by: Anonymous

Know how you feel

I am wondering how you dealt with the guilt? It sounds as if you have dealt with many of the issues we face, I have eventually been able to handle many things but the guilt and lack of meaning or purpose in my life drives me crazy. I sould say it drives others crazy as well.

It seems to me you discovered something that many are still struggling with.

Overcome Guilt
by: Anonymous

The thing with the guilt problem, is that I've had health problems since the day I was born. I had 8 ear surgeries by the time I was 6, so that I could hear, as I was born deaf. I also had a lot of problems with allergies, but I've had problems with chronic pain and fatigue since as far back as I can remember. I know as far back as 6 years old. So I was never able to be "normal", as a result I had a lot of self-esteem, and guilt issues. So by the time my health problems permanently disabled me, I was very used to dealing with guilt.

What you have to realize is those people that truly love you, the one's that will always be there for you, don't think of you as a burden. You think you are a burden to them, but they don't. They hate seeing you like that, but they enjoy doing the things for you they do. I mean, at times it can be aggravating to them, but over all, they wouldn't have it any other way.

When you actually realize that, when you actually know in your heart that you are not a burden, that even though you aren't able to do much physically, you are still contributing to the relationships, sometimes in ways that you never could have before becoming disabled.

When you understand that yes things have changed, yes there are now financial problems. Yes the people you love are now having to pick up the slack that you are no longer able to do. But, they don't mind, they still love you, they may not like doing the new things, but they don't care. When you understand these things, you will be better able to deal with things.

Think about this, let's reverse the roles, let's say you were still healthy, but your family member, friend or whoever, was the one that got sick, how would you feel about helping them? That's how they feel about helping you. Does that make sense? Are you able to understand that there is no reason to be guilty?

Don't get me wrong, there are days, and weeks that I still feel so guilty that it's all I can do to survive. There are times that I feel like such a burden that I want to die. But then I come to my senses and remember the truth, and things get better. So if you can remind yourself of what the truth is, those times that things are bad, it will help pull you out.

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