"It's not enough Mom" Speaking from a mother that knows its true.

by Peanuts
(Cottleville, MO)

I have 28 year old son who at birth was damaged by means of forceps... He suffered cerebral palsy and had to be placed on a heart and respiratory monitor for 18 months.

He progressed on to the age of 3 without talking very much and his pediatric doctor mentioned that he might have signs of autism - yet by the age of 3 1/2 he began to talk in full sentences and seemed to develop normally, however he had a difficult time being organized, never slept at night and was then diagnosed with ADHD by the age of 7 years old.

He remained under the care of both pediatric, psychological, and neurological care all through out his elementary school years and he was very bright.

The doctors listed his brain damage as minimal, and he seemed to be distracted quite easily, had difficulty focusing therefore he was injured by various accidents quite often - biking accidents, falling and general clumsiness which caused him a lot of difficulty.

His left side had been affected by his brain injury causing a delay in his sensory system to react appropriately and this caused him a lot of grief and pain.

He struggled through school, lacked in social judgement and had very little contact with his father that basically abandoned him and let him down emotionally, financially and physically.

This led to his adolescent years of bitterness, anger, depression and eventually a rage that seemed to take over as the result of constant inability to achieve what he wanted to accomplish in life.

The resources to help children like this were difficult to find for a single working mother with limited income and therefore we couldn't afford the proper therapy to help him work through these trying times.

The cost of medical care and mental health care drove me into complete poverty yet since I worked two jobs to support my children I was denied food stamps or any other type of assistance that might help my son gain self control.

I feel there is some truth to the "testosterone" situation since that seemed to be when the rage began to emerge and I began to hear all of the things that seemed to stifle his ability to function as a normal self sufficient human being.

His short term memory was fair yet his long term memory was severely affected and this caused him difficulty with regard to holding down a job. He appeared perfectly normal and because of that normal looking aspect it was almost worse then it is for those who are strapped in a wheel chair because I found that people in society expected him to accomplish what they thought he could handle and they would proceed to badger him or treat him with disrespect when he couldn't remember more then one task at a time.

This created more resentment as well. The constant search for work and the inability to maintain each job was another emotional trauma, the constant feeling of failure and rejection from people destroyed his soul each time his hopes were up to succeed he found himself back at square one again.

This being the problem in society more so then just the Autism or disability itself - people tend to stick that last knife in their back when they've done all they can to achieve a level of personal competency.

This vicious circle of rebuilding a desire for hope, the cruel treatment of those who are unaware in society because of a normal appearance and the constant rejection, then guilt of failure ends up exploding into a rage of despair because they cannot seem to solve their own problems of inadequacy and those who expect too much from them end up being the focal point of their own anger.

Many times my son asked me ... "Why did you let me live, why didn't you just let me die?"

It always broke my heart to hear those questions and I knew that the world had not carved these individuals out a place of safety.

My son began to panic as he grew into a man and saw his other friends move forward to lives with families and children.

His inability to maintain a relationship was devastating because his failure to hold down a job verified his own reasoning that he would be better off dying.

This is the emotional battle that goes on in the minds of these boys transitioning to adult life and they yearn to be loved yet its so difficult for them to even love their own self.

The escalation of these standard issues with Cerebral dysfunction becomes evident as they reach that age in life where they realize that things aren't going to change for them.

The neurologist often advised me that I would have to step in and advocate for him all through life and he often reminded me that no one ever expects a disabled individual in a wheel chair to get up on his own two feet and walk over to give you a kiss, yet those who have mental incapacities that aren't reflected in their appearance... tend to suffer more so then those who are wheelchair bound and to be ready to accept the fact that this pressure in life would cause my son a lot of grief and even more anger.

The true reason that we have so many children living in poverty is because our society does not offer what is necessary to help get these individuals into a work program to assist them in finding ways to help with their current disabilities so that they may have a chance at becoming self sufficient.

With the number of young adults now afflicted with such serious mental disorders it is more than a serious matter right now... these individuals are embarking upon trying to find a way to make it in a world that is not geared for their own survival... and very few people have the compassion or empathy to understand what they struggle with, even their family members aren't willing to reach inside their minds enough to realize the impact this has upon their lives.

Their family members believe that they are making excuses and while this inward torture exists they are still expected to overcome physiological problems that induce significant psychological problems over the course of time due to neglect and the lack of knowledge regarding Autism.

If society doesn't develop some viable solutions for these individuals there will be more enraged incidents that take place due to their inability to express all of what has been missing in their lives.

Imagine the isolation that exists inside them... it is a personal prison of hell and quite honestly ... they didn't ask for it.

It's time to reach and find solutions so that these individuals can survive when their parents have passed.

Many parents suffer through this alone, as I have done. No one should stand alone in the silence of raising their disabled child, no one.

Like my son has always said... "Mom, it's just not enough"

These individuals need proper care, not just the tossing of a cracker, or a simple visit now and then. They want to live full lives, be loved and have families - Proper research must be done to analyze the full potential and aspect of character for these individuals because many are very talented and deserve the right to expand upon the Gifts they have been given.

Help those with Autism before the rage sets in. Rage doesn't just happen, it's the result of denial, neglect and abuse.

Many mothers do all they can, but it takes a village to raise a child. One mother cannot handle it all alone.

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