Feedback from a Mildly Autistic Teen

by Jessica-Elizabeth
(Cessnock, NSW, Australia)

For years I have felt I was different. My childhood was filled with teachers telling me I'm not trying hard enough, other children picking on me and leaving me out, and my parents telling me to act me age when I react badly to things. We never knew what was wrong.

When I started grade 9 my parents started looking into it, trying to discover why their 15 year old would still start screaming and crying in public because it was loud.

We finally found a diagnostic centre where we were told I had autism. I didn't fully understand so I read up on it, and I didn't understand how I could have spent years asking teachers for help, telling them I didn't understand how they were teaching, why I was being bullied, Why know one was helping.

They told me that the bullies will get bored and stop, that I just needed to try harder, that I needed to grow up.

But they didn't understand, some are now, now that they know I have autism.

The schools never helped. I'd have days where I would come home in tears, where I would come home angry, where I come home depressed.

I have autism. But I don't think it's the issue.
It's the way we grow up, the way others treat us.

I've felt the need to kill others, to hurt others, to make them suffer like I have.

But I've also felt the need to hurt myself, kill myself and end it.

And I have felt joy, happiness and friendship.
I often feel overwhelmed with emotions.
But it's not the fault of autism, not really.

Because of Autism I have always been viewing my peers from a distance, never invited to join in, and unsure of how to do so myself.

But autism doesn't make me full of the bad emotions, nor the good.

Life does.

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I can relate
by: Anonymous

I have autism also and I have intense anger and rage when I get upset I freak out and start swearing and yelling at people I have thoughts sadistic thoughts I have desires to harm kill or brutally injure them mentally and physically as they did to me I am depressed angry and hurt sometimes I cry due to the pain sometimes I just lash out and scream for no apparent reason I am afraid if that happens at school (I'm in the 9th grade) because I don't want to be expelled and be a reject and be lonely and angry for the rest of my life I want someone to be there holding my hand and helping me through my emotional baggage I want someone to be understanding and not be judgemental I take pride in my intelligence but I have associated permanent bonds with them by hearing those words smart stupid hobo gay straight dumb respect common sense etc etc sometimes I just want someone sweet and loving (none of my family or friends have those traits) I want to be heard no matter how hurtful sadistic insulting homicidal suicidal genocidal it sounds I have rights to free speech so I don't know why society shuns me for expressing it but I just want to yell at them for yelling at me to STFU and be nice NO I WILL NOT BE NICE BECAUSE IM ANGRY SAD AND HAVE SO MUCH RAGE SO IF YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN (well then how about NO!) if I rage and you can't stop the escalation well then sound the nuclear alarm because then it turns into a self destructive meltdown that NO ONE can stop or control

Don’t get discouraged!
by: Anonymous

When you reach out to others --please try to understand that even thought it may not seem like it sometimes ---there are A LOT more people in the world than understand and care than you think. Growing is not easy for ANYONE and even the most outgoing people feel insecure and shy at times, so everyone understands that feeling, even though they may pretend not to just to appear to be cool or better than others.
Just try to be selective about the you choose to surround yourself and try not to get discouraged because it will get easier as you get older so there's ALWAYS hope !!!

Thank you
by: Anonymous

My son is 10 and this has helped me to understand him more than all the courses in the world. So thank you.

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