Woman with high functioning autism

My daughter is a higher functioning autistic woman. We had an altercation early on morning. There was no bulid up in tension.


It happen like a lighting flash.

She was grouchy (no new thing for her) and i had slept badly the night before. I asked for the remote. She yelled at me rather profanely. I lost my temper and yelled back.

She got right in my face, then grabbed my neck with both hands.I pushed her away and then just like that she was all apology.

I have a real problem with violence. There has not been violence in my house until then.

I am really upset and don't know what to do???


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Can an intense need for control lead to violence?
by: Anonymous

My son also has high functioning autism, and I can see that he also struggles sometimes with controlling his temper.

Luckily, so far he has been able to catch himself and stop his own behavior, at least at home. Then he feels absolutely terrible - sometimes even hitting himself, because he is so angry with himself for not having better control.

Does your daughter also feel very self-critical about her behaviour?

Do you feel that her sense of a lack of control played a part in her reaction?

She may need reassurance that she CAN control her behavior, and that you love her and have confidence in her.

It's clear that you saw how the circumstances helped create a difficult situation - you were both tired.

And beyond that, a deeply ingrained need for control can tip the scale towards bad behavior.

You can try to work that need for control to advantage by pointing out that SHE is stronger than her emotions.

It may also help her to think of the brain as being the Big Boss, and the one that should be in control in every situation.

In that way, the need for control can hopefully be channelled into more positive direction.

You may also try to give her direction on giving an apology - again in the context that she can gain control of a situation that got away from her, and bring it to a resolution.

These are just my thoughts, bases on what I've seen work with my child.

For your own sake, please try to think through the situation in terms of your daughters' disability.

Good luck



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