Tired of not being able to just DO things without depending on others
I am recently disabled. I can't drive anymore, I can't walk without a walker, and even then can only go very short distances. I also have weakness and spasms that make using my hands difficult. And a range of other issues that mean basically I need to rely on other people for so many things.
I am very lucky to have family around to help. I know that. I am grateful for everything they do. Really !
But I am so tired of not being able to just go buy stuff at the store because I feel like going shopping. I am tired of having to be nice all the time. I'm tired of having to go by other peoples time lines ALL THE TIME. I'm tired of not being able to just buy things I want, I'm tired of not being able to set things up or move things around and to have to ask people to do everything, and then wait until they have time, and then they never have time for things like that. Which I totally understand ! They are busy. It is a pain to do stuff for me. I feel like a complete burden and hate to ask. I want to be helping them out, not the other way around.
So I feel guilty for asking, frustrated when things don't happen, I have no room to complain about things, because it is people doing me favors and I just want to be able to do things on my own again.
I know I can buy some things on-line, and I do that. But I just want to get out and about on a whim. And even if I do manage to go out, with help, I'm completely exhausted for days when I get back. Argghhghh
I'm just so tired of how freaking powerless I am.
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