Kids with ADHD!!

by The Queen Nut!
(The Nut House!)

Children ...or tazmanian devils????

Children ...or tazmanian devils????

End of the rope!



Bouncing off the walls is an expression that many moms know and love to use!!! ...they joke and play with it! I don't!

Bouncing off the walls is a reality in my lil nut house! My two boys have ADHD, they can take a clean house and turn it into a waste land in under 20 minutes. Pictures flying off of walls, blankets and pillows on the floor, peeing in corners, riding on the door handles, pounding the door back and forth, throwing toys against walls and tearing out all of the contents of closets and drawers. This is no joke...bouncing off walls is my reality!

I want to run away!

I have tried to discipline them. I take away TV, toys, games, everything that I think will make them behave! I give time outs...I hold them during the time out! that is worse than anything...they never never sit or stand still. They are Never Never quiet! never! It is constant humming or babbling! ....have you ever heard of Chinese Water Torture? ..water drips on your forehead for hours..until it drives you insane! Yep...that is what living with constant noise is like!

My oldest also has Aspergers! He is defiant, disrespectful and disobedient! Talking back, name calling, fighting, slamming doors, ....I cannot even go on....I am crying...and for what? It will not change!

Nothing helps! We have tried the diets, the drugs, the vitamins! ...nothing helps!

No one will watch them for us. We are all alone! I have no help or support. I cannot get away from them for even a few minutes unless my Husband watches them and he is stressed out too.

I watched a friends child for an afternoon. I have never been so freakin relaxed in all my life. The child was a dream! The lil girl actually told me that my boys were 'tooo busy'. LOL ..out of the mouths of babes!

We want to be good ..no great parents...but don't know what to do! Other people blame us! That makes me even more frustrated! How dare others judge or blame us! Maybe they should take them for a couple of days and get an education! ...education by fire!

A doctor actually said that we dont' handle them properly...that we should let them rage! He said to let my 3 year old pound his head on the floor. I am still shaking my head about that one! If we let them just rage ...they would destroy our home and probably kill themselves!

Did I mention the constant fighting. They wrestle and argue...alll day long! Fighting over toys, food, tv..whatever! It makes my eyes cross!

I hate the doctors! I told the one, who said it was my fault for not using better discipline, I told him to take my son home and see for himself. He actually responded that my son would not make it at his house. WTH? What would he do that I haven't tried. He acted like he would strangle him.

And ...how much was that office visit! Some doctors shouldn't even practice on dolls! He was a moron!

Blame the parents! Bunch of horse shit! We are doing everything humanly possible! They only blame us, because they don't have any answers!

I am soooooo tired! I dont' know what to do.

I love them soooo much. They are hurting too! I know that they want to be good, but they don't know how...or can't.

We have special moments of tenderness with them and it is soooo great...but so infrequent. Why? Why has this happened? My babies are trapped too.

They are trapped in ADHD / Asperger Hell too!

Are we all doomed to a home that looks like a nuclear explosion took place and sounds like one too!?

Where is that silver lining?

I wish there were an answer to helping my children! I wish...how I wish!

Comments for Kids with ADHD!!

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The Special Life
by: Anna

Wow! I could feel your tension right through the web!

One of my guys has Aspergers, so I can relate to some of it too. Time outs were the worst, I agree.

Now I find he has his own version of time outs and will go into his room and close the door, looking for quiet. It doesn't take much to over-stimulate him, and he needs quiet, but can't stand the idea of being closed in.

Have you tried getting him to choose a quiet, unrestricted spot he can go to on his own?

Here is a site that may help:
ADHD Information Library for Parents

Not sure where you live, but try looking up local organizations like Community Living, and look up local respite services.

Hope that helps!



Understanding what ADHD really is helps in 2 ways...
by: Dr. Sandra Cottingham

I was asked to comment with a suggestion to help those parents who are at their wits end. I work as a consultant in a large school district. I am also an author and researcher on the topic of ADHD.
I feel strongly that ADHD parents and teachers are at a disadvantage if they do not have an understanding of what ADHD actually is. Understanding what has gone wrong neurologically gives us the necessary insight in how to go about dealing with it.
Let me give you a quick analogy. If at school, a teacher was telling a visually impaired student to "just try a bit harder and you'll be able to see the board" we would be highly critical of the teacher - and concerned for the child to say the least.
If you are not already aware, and I am assuming each of you has done your homework and know that ADHD is damage to various regions of the brain while it is developing in-utero or during the early months following birth. Damage caused by lead.
Knowing that the brain is damaged allows us to stay clear of expectations that are beyond a brain's capacity - things like expecting the blind student to copy notes from the board.
The second part about understanding that ADHD is permanent brain damage caused by lead exposure ( lead that most probably leached out of mom's bones to baby during pregnancy)
is that parents need to begin to advocate for their children as "brain damaged" not l"earning disabled" and "ADHD". A doctor's letter to a school district which states there has been congenital brain damage due to neurotoxic exposure is reasonable to obtain funding, which means added classroom support, and instructional strategies specific to an individualized educational plan. Baby teeth, analyzed in a lab, can be proof positive that lead was present in utero.
This kind of diagnosis, depending on where you live, may also get you government funded support for respite, lifeskills workers, and behaviour specialists to work with you in the home until your child is 19, even if there is no intellectual disability,
Getting the supports into the classroom and getting your needs met as the caregiver of a child with a physical disability - actual brain damage that will not magically heal any time soon -is the key to helping your child meet his full potential as a learner and a productive, well adjusted adult.
I hope you can steal away enough time in your challenging lives to read, "Lead Babies". I am certain it will empower you, and change the way you see the world around you. I would live to hear back.
Visit www.nomoreleadbabies.com
My best wishes to each of you;
I hope this has been helpful, and moved you in a slightly different trajectory than the one you were on a few minutes ago.
Dr. Sandra Cottingham


Anna, thanks for the Link
by: Anne Levin-Nussbaum

The site you linked seems to have a lot of useful information. I can't wait to read it all. I often feel like the mom above. I waver between feeling so angry and frustrated and feelings of guilt for getting so angry at my child.

adhd
by: shirley


Go to social services they say, i dont want to involve them so have to put up with it.

I say all these people with opinions on adhd should take my kid for a week and gaurantee they will never be the same again

You've described our life! (with an ADHD child)
by: clara

Wow I was blown away when I read your article!

We have a 9 year old with ADHD, bi polar, anxiety disorder and who know what else, and we feel the exact way you describe.

We have no one to ever watch him, we cannot afford some fancy babysitter or program, he has no friends he goes and plays with, he is off the wall and wound up ALL the time, the only break we get is the few hours after he goes to bed and we fall asleep (he goes to bed early so we have those few hours), etc etc etc.

No one understands around us, we feel isolated, judged, misunderstood and alone. My husband and I can alternate and give each other breaks, but as you said we are stressed out already when doing this.

The financial problems created by one of us always needing to be his keeper since he doesnt do well at school and has lots of doctor appointments and other things which make him a "full time job".

It the side of parenthood that no one imagines, and, I think, that no one could believe until they've lived it!

My son is also the sweetest kindest love in the world and those precious though few sweet and tender moments when he isn't jumping on us or furniture or throwing a fit, are precious beyond words. My heart overflows with the love.

But life is hard, and the supports in place for this kind of situation are ZERO, particularly if you have no family that helps and arent in a financial position to find some fancy school or nanny etc.

I give us a HUGE pat on the lonely and tired back!

I understand - I have 2 ADHD Kids
by: Anonymous

Hello, I am a single mom of 4 kids and two have ADHD. One is 17 and the other one is 7 years old. The 17 year old was like your boys and she ended up abusing me and the younger kids so she now lives in a foster home.

But my 7 year old is still with me and he is so hard to handle as well. I don't know how you made it this far, I know exactly how you feel and I wish I had something to tell you that would help you.

All I can say is pray and God always finds a way. The only time that I get to myself is when he goes to sleep on the couch. He also sleeps in my room so I don't get time alone. Ever.

But thank you for sharing your story, it is nice to see that I am not the only one that needs help. The school has tried 4 times to get him a teachers aid helper and we have been denied 4 times.

Not sure what to do now as I can't afford to quit my job to watch him at school. I will keep you in my prayers.

Sara

Editors note: private emails are removed to protect you from spambots.

Discipline
by: Mariachi

You need to use real, actual discipline. Spanking. Your children have no reason to change their behavior because there are no real consequences. A time out, loss of privileges - who cares ? They don't. If your children knew there'd be real consequences for their bad behaviour, they would think twice, end of story. It's your choice - continue to be driven nuts by your children, or take control now. There are no negative consequences to spanking when used in moderation (fact-the majority of parents do it), but there will be very severe consequences, down the road, with the path they are taking. Once they are no longer children, the law will step in and they will have real punishment. You may as well teach them the rules of life now. Bad behavior = bad consequences. Think about it - older children and adults who behave this way lose family members, friends, jobs, go to jail. If little kids experience no true consequences to bad behavior, they are not learning a thing about how to function in the world. I am a mother of two extremely well behaved boys, so I speak from experience.

Editor's Note:
Please note that this topic is about kids with ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. While you are of course entitled to your opinions, there is nothing in your comments that suggests you are familiar with ADHD and its effect on children and families.

I also recommend that you consider the information from the Public Health Department about spanking.

Wowza - too young for ADHD diagnosis?
by: Katie

all i am saying is i think that adhd should not be diangnosed at an early age it leads to serious issues just saying.

---

Editor's note:
You raise a good point. When IS a good age to attempt to diagnose ADHD?

How do you go about determining when a child is "ready" for diagnosis, for too young? Not just for ADHD, but for any of the other conditions and labels that are applied to children with special needs.

And, for that matter, who gets to make the diagnosis, and for what purpose?

Not that it is likely to stop the instant criticism of parenting skills from some people... :-(





Mariachi, How Dare You!
by: Patty

Who the hell asked for your opinion on how to take care of our children that is ADHD...That is one things that is wrong right now! You people that have such well behaved children teaching them that a beating is thing to do! I think that maybe you might have a chemical imbalance your self to say such a thing!
You don't know what we and our children are going through so until you do we don't need your help here!
Patty

Spanking only escalates the meltdown
by: Mother of 3

Mariachi,
Spanking only escalates the melt down. I have a nine year old intelllectually gifted Aspie with Bipolar and ADHD. My 10 year old has ADD, oppositional defiant disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, reactive attachment disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and is intellectually challenged. Our world is often a nightmare. Thank you for sharing your stories. When I'm in public and they melt down sometimes I feel so alone. My daughter, 17, is not diagnosed, but has same qualities as my nine year old. She's graduating this May and will attend a university in the fall

Yep!
by: Anonymous

I feel everything you're saying.... My son is exactly as you have described you're boys. As a single mother there's no husband to take over and literally no help.

I've alson tried every method possible, medication and healthy diet don't help discipline doesn't help, nothing helps!

My son cant be in a room alone even for a second, just going to the toilet is an ordeal with him clinging to my leg and screaming constant high pitch squarks - I have to pry him off me and be as quick as I can (once I make it into bathroom) with him pounding the door and screaming bloody murder.

Him peeing is worse, even with supervision, he urinates on floor, over over bathroom, up the wall etc... followed by my cleaning it with him usually again attatched to my leg.

Then there's the violence to everyone including my other older son, the banging, the breaking stuff, the shouting, screaming and swearing.

I try t be strong and calm and never smack or shout but the calm approach has no effect either.

In everyone elses eyes this is my fault???? So why is my other son normal then I ask them??

At this point I'm ready to give up

Kids with ADHD
by: Samantha Nicholas

Your story is sad but it is not only your story. I saw the same situation in my aunt's house. She had two boys and when they were younger they used to make her cry with their activities. They were just like your children. But the good thing is that now they are much better. Now they are in their teen and very talented so don't worry and wait.

I feel your pain
by: kelley

You just described a day in my life or shall I say everyday in my life!
Never ever ever quiet!!!!

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