Feedback from a Mildly Autistic Teen
(Cessnock, NSW, Australia)
For years I have felt I was different. My childhood was filled with teachers telling me I'm not trying hard enough, other children picking on me and leaving me out, and my parents telling me to act me age when I react badly to things. We never knew what was wrong.
When I started grade 9 my parents started looking into it, trying to discover why their 15 year old would still start screaming and crying in public because it was loud.
We finally found a diagnostic centre where we were told I had autism. I didn't fully understand so I read up on it, and I didn't understand how I could have spent years asking teachers for help, telling them I didn't understand how they were teaching, why I was being bullied, Why know one was helping.
They told me that the bullies will get bored and stop, that I just needed to try harder, that I needed to grow up.
But they didn't understand, some are now, now that they know I have autism.
The schools never helped. I'd have days where I would come home in tears, where I would come home angry, where I come home depressed.
I have autism. But I don't think it's the issue.
It's the way we grow up, the way others treat us.
I've felt the need to kill others, to hurt others, to make them suffer like I have.
But I've also felt the need to hurt myself, kill myself and end it.
And I have felt joy, happiness and friendship.
I often feel overwhelmed with emotions.
But it's not the fault of autism, not really.
Because of Autism I have always been viewing my peers from a distance, never invited to join in, and unsure of how to do so myself.
But autism doesn't make me full of the bad emotions, nor the good.
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