Boyfriend with disability

by Anonymous
(NJ)

I have recently started having a relationship with someone that has a disability. He was actually my ex from 8 years ago.


I don't think there is a name for what he has but he was adopted from Columbia and they think that his mother was on drugs while he was in the womb, because of this his lower legs are without proper muscle tissue and his toes are gnarled. He has a pretty bad limp and is much shorter than me.

I remember struggling a little with his appearance 8 years ago but getting over it because I was so in love with him.

Since we started our relationship again we have been seeing each other for over 2 months now and I am having a really hard time with it more than ever. When I see a reflection of us in the mirror it makes me very uncomfortable because of how strange it looks.

He is very much in love with me and wants to ask me to marry him. I am trying very hard to cope with this and "force" myself to accept this.

It sounds incredibly selfish but I have always seen myself marrying someone taller than me and without a disability. I do care for him but I really feel like this is affecting my perception and feelings for him. I don't know what to do! Please help!!

Comments for Boyfriend with disability

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by: Jude

Its so nice of you to take care of the man in a situation like this where he needs the most support and care. You will be paid for these deeds of yours in a better way through out your life. I wish you both a happy and blessed life.

Focus on his other traits, not his disability!
by: Anonymous

I think that if you thinking like this, you may need to reconsider whether you actually really do love this guy! If you honestly truly loved him, you wouldn't be thinking like this. My boyfriend has a similar disability (Cerebral Palsy in his legs) and walks with sticks. I love him so much and know that I will love him whatever happens in the future. If you truly loved this guy, you wouldn't even think about his disability and would focus on his other traits like how he kind, caring, smart, funny etc.! Also, I'm sure this guy doesn't want you to tiptoe around his feelings and pretend you like him just because he has a disability. The fair and honest thing to do would be tell him how you truthfully feel and let him go on with his life and find someone who will genuinely love him!

Same story as me
by: Anonymous

Wow, we have the same kind of life. ..I'm wondering if it's the same guy. . Lol! All that you described that he is, is the same guy i have in my life now...I don't know what the disability is called either.. But it's the same one. All I can say, is I know exactly where your coming from; your feelings, your fears, and one thing I say is don't give up on him. You need to think about your life, and if you love him and you are happy with him, there's nothing stopping you. I know I was so awkward in public with him, and it was just weird, people would judge you and give you horrible looks. . But I can tell you. . He is the love of my life. .I believe if you look past it (I know is really hard) and you pray about this guy, your mind will be clear. Sometimes, good things come on small packages, meaning don't look for the bigger package expecting it to be good, sometimes the smallest, awkward package can bring you so much happiness and love! Sadly, the both of us broke it off because of his disability, we still live each other, but we're waiting to see what happens, but I can tell you, my life without him is not complete. I hope with all my heart that you think about it, weigh out the positives and negatives.. And one of them will out weigh the other... And it's the positives in life where we need to consider. I'm here for you if you need some more encouragement :)

It doesn't matter
by: Dave

Look, I have cerebral palsy, and I'm here to tell you, disability does not matter. What matters is that you love each other.

If you really love him find a way to get past your own prejudice!
by: Anonymous

I'm not trying to me mean I'm just trying to be realistic!Nobody can fix this or give you advice you have to fix yourself!
If I'm reading right this is about your own hangup and not about love!
If you truely love this man what he looks like shouldn't matter. NObody can make that decision other then you! Would he love you the same way if he suddenly didn't have a disability and you ended up with one? Will it matter 30 or 40 years from now who had the disability and who doesn't? If you truely love him you should love him for him mind and heart not what he looks like! If you can't then its better to let him go now then realize later after you've married that you just can't love him unconditionally and hurt him and yourself even more!
Nobody is perfect! I've now people that have been married 10 years and they realize they don't want to be with each other anymore that they just don't love the person there with and they don't have a disability. So you never know what the future may bring but will you look back in 10 or 15 years and say I wish I had or I wish I hadn't? Or I knew this great guy back then but I didn't love him enough and I lost him! You may end up regretting one way or the other if you don't get past your own prejudice....
Oh and if you can buy him some high heal cowboy boots it will make him a little taller!=~)

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